Jokes Thread

[newtusmaximus]

Of the USA

    The population of this country is 237 million people.
    104 million people are retired.
    That leaves 133 million people to do the work.
    There are 85 million people in school, which leaves 48 million people to do the work.
    Of this there are 29 million people employed by the federal government.
    Leaving 19 million people to do the work.2.8 million people are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million people to do the work.
    Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million people to do the work.
    At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 people to do the work.
    Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
    That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And you are sitting at your computer reading jokes...

[MohamedKhaled]

Of the USA

    The population of this country is 237 million people.
    104 million people are retired.
    That leaves 133 million people to do the work.
    There are 85 million people in school, which leaves 48 million people to do the work.
    Of this there are 29 million people employed by the federal government.
    Leaving 19 million people to do the work.2.8 million people are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million people to do the work.
    Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million people to do the work.
    At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 people to do the work.
    Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
    That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And you are sitting at your computer reading jokes...

will ... this doesn't sound real ..... anyway I am not from the USA so this leaves only you ...

[justme2]

will ... this doesn't sound real ..... anyway I am not from the USA so this leaves only you ...

And he's from the UK so that leaves no  one  ;D

[newtusmaximus]

[MohamedKhaled]

And he's from the UK so that leaves no one  ;D

;D ;D

[MohamedKhaled]

We all get sad when jokes end .... and as that we only have 15 jokes in this thread till now ... here's a 200 to keep the heart sporting

http://www.short-funny.com/

http://www.short-funny.com/best-knock-jokes.php

[bitsnpcs]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SfwwPS7IfM

[rokytnji]

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning – though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, “I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.”

They throw the switch and nothing happens. The executioners all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. “I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.

They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.
The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, “Well, I’m from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I’ll tell ya right now, ya’ll ain’t gonna electrocute nobody if you don’t plug this thing in.



WASHINGTON—After yesterday’s announcement that the president received a perfect score on his cognitive assessment, White House physician Ronny L. Jackson told reporters Wednesday that follow-up tests confirmed that President Trump’s 19 other personalities are also perfectly healthy.

“After an extensive psychological evaluation, we’ve determined that Tommy JoJo, Professor O’Shannassy, Officer Pittz, and each of the president’s 16 other identities are in good condition,” said Jackson, adding that each distinct psychic identity, from Little Holly Anne Tibblseby to DJ Pump ’Em Up, demonstrated robust mental acuity, emotional stability, and memory function. “Despite the advanced age of Ol’ Jack the 70-year-old New York cabby and Civil War colonel Virgil Conway, none of President Trump’s personalities exhibited signs of neurological deterioration.

Even 3-year-old Jacky demonstrated the clarity and intellectual fitness required to handle the presidency.” At press time, however, Jackson reported the emergence of a volatile Fred Trump personality, which was in a constant state of agitation and which left the president exhausted long after it returned control of his mind.





Reuters: Breaking News! Melina Trump learns of Trumps new porn star mistress. She enacts her own govt. Shutdown.

[kissbaby3]

Q : why were the jelly fish unhappy ?.
A : there were not any peanut butter fish around .

--------

Q : what do you call a clock on a belt ?.
A : a waste of time.

[TheDead]

[member=411]bitsnpcs[/member]
I haz a cat so at first I was impress by the Kido video but then remember that my cat can catch tiny bits of food from the air in a badly lit room. With cat's eye and reflexes, that game must be in slow-motion and boooring.

[member=5531]ptyerman[/member]
LOLed at the joke before reading it because I remember the great OS wars years. I lost since I had an Amiga then but I won because it was so great years before it's time. Also remember the Windows / Rolling Stones parody of the time? I still have the MP3 I listen from time to time.

I'll refrain from going to YouTube from now on, lost a couple hours in there... again... Darn you moving pictures and click baits.